Countdown to baby
I had my first visit with my OB, who I've known for years both personally and professionally. She laid out a timeline of the pregnancy and wrote it all on a piece of paper that's still on my bulletin board. I began to be real. I was growing a tiny person. From the outside I looked and felt no different, well except for the constant nausea, but on the inside so much was happening! As my pregnancy marched on, I called my mom to finally share the news. She was thrilled, although I still think she would have preferred for me to go a more conventional route! Regardless, she was going to be a grandma and immediately began purchasing baby items.
The first trimester was no fun. I kept the vomiting at bay, but never could shake the nausea, it was relentless. And I was TIRED.....a kind of tired I've NEVER experienced before. I couldn't sleep enough, and I normally function very well on about 6 hours a night. There were days I think maybe I was awake for 6 hours through out the day. Work was a challenge too. I'm a nurse who's on her feet for 12 hours at a time. But I drug myself in with my game face on everyday so as not to arouse suspicion in my coworkers. I didn't want to share to soon, I knew the chances of losing the pregnancy were highest in the beginning.
Then second trimester arrived! It was the best!!! I had my energy back, the nausea was gone.....I felt like a normal human being again. I felt like myself again. And it was also time to find out what I was having. In my opinion, I had enough surprises in store as a parent, I needed to know this tidbit in advance. I didn't care if it was a boy or girl, just that it was healthy, but I still wanted to know.
I had a feeling it was a girl. I was all ready with her name. Turns out, it was a boy! I took about a week to wrap my head around the fact that I was going to have a son. I wasn't upset, just surprised because I was so sure it was a girl....based on no scientific fact only pure hormonal feelings lol.
I began telling family and friends. Everyone seemed happy and excited for me. Actually most of them more than I was myself. I was scared, no, make that terrified. Now would be a good time to throw in that I'm a labor and delivery nurse. So, I know too much. I how quickly everything can go horribly wrong and end with bad results. I've seen it over the last 13 years I've been in the field. I think that being a labor and delivery nurse kind of robs you of the joy pregnancy. Each week that ticks off the calendar helps you breathe just a little easier, but never can you completely relax.
Second trimester was over too soon in my opinion, only because that was when I felt the best. As I entered my third trimester, it was time for the dreaded glucose test. For anyone who doesn't know, it's gross. You're made to drink liquid sugar, then they check your sugar level after an hour. I failed and had to do it again. I failed the second time too. I was soooo upset when my doctor told me I was a gestational diabetic. I cried. I retrospect, it wasn't that big of a deal, but at the time I wasn't prepared to hear it.
Being a gestational diabetic was super annoying. I had to prick my fingers four times a day to check my blood sugar, and I had to keep a food log. It also came with extra sonograms and trips to the doctor. I eventually ended up on insulin. But I think keeping the food log was worse.
As the baby was growing bigger and bigger, the heartburn began. It would wake me from a dead sleep. I lived on TUMS. Walking was getting harder and working on my feet for twelve hours a day was exhausting. Preparations began happening in my apartment. I was setting up the crib, stocking up on diapers, washing the clothes, preparing bottles, and ordering from amazon probably daily. But, I think the hardest part was realizing that my pregnancy was almost over. I was second guessing myself. How was I going to raise a baby by myself. The thing I wanted most was becoming a reality and I was almost paralyzed with fear. Would I be able to handle the task, and what happens if I can't. It's easy to fail at many things, but I wasn't prepared if I should fail at momming. But I was beyond the point of no return.
Rolling through the third trimester brought me to a another very scary conclusion.....I would have to get this kid out somehow. I told my OB that I wasn't really a fan of either mode of delivery, vaginal or C-section, and did she have a third option. She laughed. In my head, I had always wanted a C-section. It seemed so straight forward, you could schedule it, and best of all it wouldn't blow up your vagina. I can tell you I've seen some mangled vaginas in my days as a labor nurse, and I had no intention of letting that happen to me. But the other option, a C-section, also had it's downside. It's major surgery and recovery time is longer. There was no clear cut good answer. In the end, I had a C-section, but that was mostly because they were predicting a 10 pound baby, so I guess you could say he decided for me.